I'm seriously getting Sick of you all!

I'm really mad right now like seriouse i'm tired of all of these Hypicrits thinking they can be so mature about something when there not being mature there being cold hearted. Just cause they can keep everything inside doesn't mean there so mature. I've probably been threw so much harder stuff then they have where they claim that they've been threw alot HAH thats all I can say to there faces. Try living without a mother for 13 years and finally out of know where she shows up, try having to listen to racism everything and being half and half makes it insulting like your being insulted but not directly, try having to deal with being broke or having money problems looking at all the things that everyone else has but you can have cause you can't afford it. I've had to sacrafice so much in my life like seriouse and you think that you have it bad yeah you might get in fights with you parents here and there but have you parents/family ever told you that you were disgracing them/breaking the family apart. No i don't think so, so you can take back every single word that you said cause you don't understand what i have to deal with and you don't understand anything about me. I'm not an attention whore (am i allowed to say that?) and i certainly don't look for attention in the way you think i do everyone likes attention don't denay it everyone wants to be notice sometimes in there life. Just because i'm more open about my feelings doesn't make me an attention whore i've lived most of my life having to comfort myself and having to cry to myself. Which leads me to another point when you were sad and lonely who would you turn to huh? your mother or your father but for me oh well its no one i didn't have a mother and my father was new to the whole parenting thing he didn't know what to say or to do so when i was sad i'd run to myself when i needed someone to tell me comforting works and to hold me and tell me that everything would be alright i did it myself.

So now after reading this what do you think its probably "oh wow what a drama queen" but honestly i'm not being the drama queen here i'm being the honest person here and mature person. Its funny cause your suppose to be older then me so you've probably read "To Kill a Mockingbird" and that you'd never be able to truely understand them without being in there position or in there shoes Huh you must have slepted during that class or something cause you oviously don't know or didn't learn anything from it.

TWILGIHT!!!

I just watched TWILIGHT!!!

it was great WOOP WOOP!

Especally Edward (Robert pattinson) he was super BOMB in there also Jacob was pretty bomb0-licous to (tayler Lautner) but yes. Ok so I should probably add in something meaning full other then the fact that i'm a fan girl for two guys. XD

Well it was a pretty good movie thats all I can say, like the lighting was really good with the visual effects well except for the part when he went into the sun light and like he started to glitter it was kinda weird in a way. But its the first movie and all so i don't expect it to be really bit and fancy like pirates of the carribean the first movie was good but then like the 2nd and third movie were really amazing with the graphics. Which reminds me I saw the new harry potter trailer today and it was o.m.g amazing (if you don't know what that means Mr hartley its Oh my GOd-----Just kidding i'm only playing around with ya) but yes the graphits blew me away holy crap fantasic. I was like woah it looks so real *.* hahaha i've always been a real Graphic/CG fan like whenever i bought video games they were usually just for the graphics (hahahaha what a money burner i am)

But back to twilight yes it was amazing to me at least the only dis-likes i had with it was the fact that on each scene it went by really fast like the scene where she finds out that he is a vampire. It was all like you can out run me or beat me, i'm a monster, no your not, i love you, next scene hey lets go on a date. like my mind was all WAOH!!!! That and the Diologe was all wack like seriously who say "I can't dance" "I can always make you dance" "i'm not afraid of you" thats all hopefully New Moon will be alot better.

But yes thats all i have to now i'm out.

We're suppose to me FAMILY!

You know what just grinds my gears when like your family members don't stick up for you when you need them the most. It make so mad oh my god you have no idea (or maybe you do) cause i was in a situation where there were rumors being started about me and some happen to go up to my relative be all hey omg did you hear about her and she did this and i heard that. When i asked her what she told them and if she stuck up for me her answer was "oh I let people have there opinion" Its like yeah we're family and yeah its a good thing to let people have there opinions but like when it involve your family member you should stick up for them regardless, without a second thought.
Then like how your family always lectures you how you have to stand up and protect your family. But you can't even stick up for them because your afraid of getting into the situation or making a bad reputation.

Sociology...<3 <3

So in my last blog i was like talking about what happened with the mother and daughter and like i also mention really breifly that the job in Sociology. Well since it was really breifly talked about i decided to make its very on blog for it, so yes the feild in Sociology would be really cool. Because like i'm the kind of person that likes to solve alot of problems (not math porblem social life problems). I tend to be really mature in that stage and i like it when i give good advice and things end up working out its fun and makes me really feel like i don't know how to explain it kind of like whole in a way like i really did my best.

I've always had an act for things like this things that are more glamourous i guess thats what you can say. Like being a painter, graffiti artist, tattoo artist, fashion designer, make up artist, runway director, Sociologist...to me those are glamourous jobs that every morning i'd be totally siked to get up and do for hours and hours.

Also i belieave being a sociologist would really help people in a spiritual way, and in there families as well. Especally for kids that are mixed in blood like me, because honestly like even though some people of full blood think that being mixed is really cool it can be hard alot of the time. With predjudice and racistism in cultures and trying to make its easier for them and to create a more simple peace in cultures and with there family. Because i went threw alot of racism in my family towrds my other side of the family because they were differen races (white and asian). Because there is alot of outcasting and judgement when you mixed and you have two different familys such as; when i visit my filipino side of the family and its at a party i'm the only white one there and get talked about because i'm part white and think that i'm an out of control person because my dad (who understand my artistic needs and point of view+my Caucasion point of view) allowes me to dye and hair and cut it and style it the way that i want but when the other filipino parents see it they get upset or judge me in a way that shows they think that i'm not seriouse of things. When i'm at my white side of the family i'm usually the only asian there however they don't judge me like my filipino family because i guess if you look at the stero-typical way filipino/asian familys are more stricked and white/causasian are more laid back and relax.

But any way i beleave that this would be a good why to helps someone out and it seems to be a really fun job. Plus if i'm lucky i could probably get my own Tv show like tyra Banks, that would be cool and her topics are very interesting like, mother and daughter bond, fashion, what is beauty, Gay rights, ETC etc etc things that really interesting me.

Mother at her breaking Point, Sociology

So i was watching the Tyra Banks show and it had a segment of a mother that had 4 kids, with a set of twins that were the youngest. Her middle daughter though wasn't has talented as the rest like they all did really good in school and all and they already knew what they wanted to do in collage , they were very sucessful except for the middle child. She was struggling in school and was named in the family as a trouble maker, switch to different schools to different school. Where her mother finally decided that she would just give her up for adoption.
This was kinda like a strong topic because like a mother is suppose to love her daughter no matter what. Her mother kept sayin "well i have to live with her" during the entire show and like "DUH!" when you have kids it like you can't all of a sudden decide "Oh i don't want you, i'm gonna out you back" i'm pretty sure thats not how its works once you have a kid you have a kid you can't put them back or return then like there an item from Walmart or something. Also its half of the moters fault to neglect to her. As she grew up i'm sure she did alot of bad things but like there has to be a point when she ddi something good but her mother probably didn't show her any reward for the good things that she did.
After watching this i was actually rethinking my career or pursuing another goal as well as a Sociologist. Cause like when i watched alot of Trya's show its like it knew what to say or how to answer each problem. Also Studying the humen behavior is so much more funner then like studing other things to me at least.

I learned a Good lesson!

....About love and relationship.

Over the past month and a half i realized that i need to start respecting myself more, and standing up and being more bold to, he knows who he is and honestly hes pretty Naive. Heres some advise for a couple of guys out there..."don't tell a girl that she's the one" or at least don't tell me it. Seriously like i'm young and i haven't even had a boyfriend i'v been single the very day i was born. SHOCKING i know. But yeah i don't need to hear that kind of stuff i'm not ready i like to mingle mangle (colorful vocab).
The thing that just grinds my gears are how he tells me that i lead him on and that i never loved him. What B.S. (am i allowed to say that?). Over the past month and a half who started all the fights...who cussed...who hung up the phone with out saying goodbye or in the middle of a conversation. I will always apoligize for my mistake and if i did something wrong then i'm sorry but how am i immature for forgive you. You told me that i was immature for forgiving anyone that apoligize. I know i'm not immature in that subject i'm just opening minded and i give people secound chanced to prove themself better. He keep saying that i didn't like him because i didn't know what to say or i lied I only lied once and that was to protect him. There was another mistake it wasn't good for me to lie to him but still in the end i told him the truth but he just has to be stubborn about everything.
You didn't look at the reason why i lied and that was because i didn't want you to beat yourself up, i'd beat myself up for you. But no you couldn't or just choose not to see the reason and instead you only saw the fact that i lied.
Lets face it you took advantage of the fact that i'm to nice (as conceided as that sounds) I would go with whatever you said and i'd try hard not to mess things up. I can't think of a time that i've cried so much over one guy (SHOCKING cause i told myself i'd never do that--well i was like 7 that time). I only cussed at you once because you started accusing me, yelling and verbally abusing me.
After all of that, after all the hard times and obsticles i went threw to be with you, you actually think you had the right to say 'Hey i don't like you anymore' to blow me off so easily after all i did for you after you hurt me so much. Then to hurt me again when you already knew i was hurting how messed up is that, and to try and make me jealouse or to flirt with one of my friends infront of me with shows that you did not respect me enough to at least give me time to heal the wounds you left. I could have made you jealous or flirted with someone like you did to me. I could have gotten one of my many friends that now hate you to get you. But no i respect you enough not to make you jealouse or flirt infront of someone , i care about you enough not to get you in trouble with one of my friends and to after all the pain and suffering you put me threw to try and still be friends with you and make peace and i honestly was starting to fall for you which makes it harder to find out that it'll only take 3 days to replace me.
I learned a good lesson here that i'm alot more mature then you are and that i can handle tough situations. You hurt me alot in this, but at least i know i can survive something like this but most of all. I learned that i am still a kid and "i love you" they really don't mean alot here, why should i treasure those words when i'm this young. I'll us it as much as i want but for now it has no true value it can be used to a friend or relative but for a relationship right now it means as much to me and saying I love you to a pet animal. I'm not saying that it will always be that way for me but for now i won't value and treasure those words since i'm only a kid theres no point cause right now i'm really not sure if i know that real love is..do you?

I learned a Good lessoN!